Happy New Year – thankful for the “now”

Happy New Year – thankful for the “now”

Isn’t it crazy to think back a yr. and look at where our lives were.  I simply am a different person in so many ways. Some changes are great, some not so great, yet I am different.  Because our lives always move at such a fast pace sometimes I forget that we live on this incredibly slow paced island with magnificent beauty all around us.  That beauty is not only found in the ocean’s coastline and the outline of the Pacific jungle.  The beauty is found in people’s hearts, in their appearances, in their talents, in their frienships, in their humor.  The goodness of God is realised in so many ways. It’s so easy never to live in the moment but always be looking ahead. I’m thankful for the now, for this yr., for today.  

  

Our little “now” house and car – what a blessing.  Figured some of u might want to see where we live.

Below is our street – if you look closely you can see an outline of some mountains.

Major Issue/Please pray:

There is a man in our church who is being plagued by one of the local spirits called “Taotaomona”.  I have been working with/discipling him for quite some time. This attack is very real and for 17 days now his body has been infected with some major pain and it feels like the twisting of the muscles.  The doctors can’t find anything wrong, and my friend is being tormented.  I have visited him the last couple days and he seems undecided if he wants to follow Chirst or rely on the wishes of the witchdoctor.  (he has visited the witchdoctor 2 times regarding his condition and obeyed their commands) He is a new beliver in our church and very confused. 

 It’s tough because many of the Christians here think the taotaomona isn’t real (I emphatically disagree) while other Christians just tell my friend to have more faith.  Regardless, he is undecided about who he pledges his allegiance to, is majorly confused, and his body is in excruciating pain.

It sounds simple enough, but this is major. If my friend is to continue to be tormented and eventually die this has major ramifications.  Christians are already looked down on to some degree here and he is one of the few locals who has come to faith. (much of our church is made up of foreigners from the surrounding islands/non-locals) Traditional animism superceeds all religious belief, even the dominant Catholicism.  If we cannot pray and see the forces of darkness pushed back, the church may send the message that we are incredibly weak and without power.  Obviously, the Lord is ultimately in control but this is a pivotal situation and we desperately need a power/truth encounter in this man’s life.  I love him. I love his family – his daughter has really clung to Charity and is in the  youth group. Many on the island are talking about it and won’t go near my friend.  Please pray for the Spirit of God to dispel all this darkness and give my friend the faith to trust Jesus as supreme.

BUCKET BALL ROCKS

BUCKET BALL ROCKS

I just got done playing bucket ball with a few af the kids here. It is so cool to have a break. I about broke my toe though. bucket ball is this game i made up. we put a big bucket in the middle of the yard and try to run and put a volleyball into it.  Everybody vs. you, last man standing w/ the most points wins.  i love that kind of stuff. God wired me for this type of insanity.

talked about following Jesus again tonight. Luke 9:57-62 – what a high cost. I think we’re getting it. At least i’m beginning to comprehend what it means to follow him.

90 freaking degrees here again today. it has been so hot lately (not that its not hot every other day). bought a ton of crap for the youth center (ping pong table, pool table, fooz ball, air hockey, and a tv/dvd/karaokee thing – they’re into that here) there are lots of changes coming in the next few months. i guess there always are. change means we’re not standing still which is a very good thing.

Missions opportunity

MISSIONS OPPORTUNITY:

Who wants to do missions and not raise money?

I don’t usually do this but since I have a break here for a couple wks, I want to make any readers aware of possibilities to serve Christ out in the Northern Mariana Islands. 

Position: the island needs public school teachers – grades 1-12.

Salary: 28K/yr – up

Experience Needed: None, you just need a BA degree in any field and you will be asked to pass the PRAXIS test which is an eighth grade level exam (if u did alright in hs, you should be fine)

About Rota:

Rota is part of the Commonwealth of the Northern Mariana Islands located in the Pacific.  We are under the US government, similar to Puerto Rico and Guam.  We are located near the Philippines, and just south of Guam.  English is a shared national language and it is the dominant language for all students.  The native Chamorros are the majority; however, there is a population of Filipinos (40 percent).  The island is rural, yet quite Americanized.  If you’ve visited a native American reservation, we resemble one.

Most of the public schools would be looking for a 2 yr commitment.  I can lead you to the approritate channels. . . there are several slots to fill at varying age levels.

Youth Ministry:

I am partnernering with an AoG church that will be starting a youth center in August.  You are in no way obligated to help at this center, nor be a part of the AG church here.  However, our church and 2 others are the only Protestant churches out here.  What we do need on this island however, are dedicated believers who serve the Lord in every area of the community.

If you are interested please contact me:

John Trotter

P.O. Box 1427

Rota, MP 96951

Phone: 670/532-0053

Email: godiznice@hotmail.com

*Please use you brain. We are 16 hrs ahead of central standard time.  I should be around day/night for the next couple weeks since we have Christmas break.

Christmas Meditation

Christmas Meditation

If Jesus was walking with us what would he emphasize on Christmas?  So many people try to figure out what was or what is in Jesus’ head, as if they knew what was in his head would lead to a more intense walk with him.  WWJD was a popular phrase a few years back – “what would Jesus do”?  How would Jesus celebrate Christmas?  What is it that would be kept center stage?  What would he reject?  Would he have a Christmas Eve service?  Would he hang out with his family?  Or would he do something completely different?

 

I am a skeptic on a journey, attempting to discover who Christ is.  This Christmas in particular I have been full of doubt and find myself very puzzled about the Christmas story.  It seems simple enough – an angel appears to a virgin.  She then gives birth to a son in a barn.  He is chased from his town to another place, he grows up, serves, disciples, and eventually saves the world from their sins.  What I mean to say is that I know the message intellectually.  I have realized some of the painstaking realities that had to take place to see the mission accomplished.  But my doubts are coming because somehow I feel like I’m missing the point.  I feel that I might be cherishing the beauty and knowledge of the story rather than its actual message.  Christmas is so much more than wise men, kings, gifts, stars, and angels.  It’s far deeper and more full of emotion than caring for our families or welcoming orphans.  I can’t even pen the weight of what I feel.  The feeling is so heavy that it leaves me without any emotion at all.  This Christmas has left me stunned, shocked, and awed at the fact that I simply don’t get it.  I think I’ve been missing the point for much of my life.

 

I guess the older I get, the more utterly helpless I feel.  And that isn’t bad.  Sometimes I think that I know something, like I have some good answers for people.  The phrase, “The older I get the better I was” seems to dominate my mind.  I’m left this Christmas feeling helpless.  For the first time in my life, I am learning the essence, the worth, and value of my salvation.  I have felt helpless many times before, but this year in particular has brought about so many questions that I have no answers for.  Christ came to seek and to save people who are lost – people who are completely and totally helpless.  And the more I read that passage in the Gospels, the more I see my reflection.  I am a completely helpless person, in dire need of mercy.  Not just the kind of mercy we sing about in church that rolls off our tongues with clichés and smiling.  I am in need of the kind of mercy that is so agonizing and gut-wrenching that its fullness can only be measured by the volume and intensity of my groaning and sighs before God.   I think I am beginning to understand that Christmas was just as important as Easter.  And it still IS just as important as Easter.  Not only will Christ save us. . . but he will seek us.  Christ has actually come to identify with me, to seek me, to find me.  He has walked down this road.  He has felt what I feel.  He knows the utter helplessness that rages within my soul.  What a different message of Christmas.

 

To most, helplessness seems like a very condemning, deflating message of Christmas.  I think people like to have the 3 kings, gifts, and the manger scene take center stage.  It’s so much more comfortable that way.  I mean, honestly, who wants to read or write a Christmas reflection like this one?  We spend so much time fighting secularism, that maybe our glorification of the manger isn’t so great either.  Christmas this year for me, means that the mercy of God has been unleashed.  Naked, despised, mocked, and scorned – he truly has identified.  My helplessness has been the gift that is unwrapped.  And underneath this helplessness is a huge layer of faith, trust, obedience, shock, and amazement of a baby called Immanuel – God with us.  All the other labels I have given Christmas before have faded.  This year, Christ’s gift to me is a realization that I am helpless.  He has identified and he chooses to walk with me.  What a realization, what a gift.

 

So what would Jesus do on Christmas?  He would do what he always does – give hope, care, feel, and identify.  Jesus would do what Jesus does and he would do that every single moment of the year.  So should we.

 

Back from Saipan

charity and i got home from saipan last night. her eye improved remarkably. i think a pastor from a tiny church in the mountains of the Philippines and his church were praying around the same time her eye had remarkable improvement. Props to Jesus for doing what he said he would.  She does have to fly back to Saipan on Friday for a check up. 

My grandpa had his funeral on Friday. I got an email saying all went well. We’ll all miss him. I gotta get ready for school. just wanted to update from my boss genevieve.

Pressed but not crushed

Pressed but not crushed

Well certainly this week has brought far more trials than I had predicted.  My grandfather died 2 days ago (my dads father, the least of my grandparents to go).  My last 2 grandparents have died since we have been overseas. He was 94 so of course it was expected.  (cau imagine being 94? thats insane)

Chartiy had to fly to another island to go to the hospital because we don’t have one here.  She thought her eye was scratched but it turns out that bacteria was chipping away at her cornea.  She thought she’d be gone 3 days, but her eye had an allergic reaction to the medicine and she has been stranded in Saipan for over a week.  She knows not one single person on that island.  A lady that she met at a workshop took her in for 5 days but now shes at a hotel by herself.  We called the local AG church there but they said they were too busy, they wish they could have known ahead of time - basically her sickness didn’t fit their schedules.  Quite honestly, that pisses me off to no end.  In the words of our fellow missionary here, “THEY’RE GONNA GET IT!”  So, I’m going to Saipan to check on her tomorrow.  This is difficult.  It’s 150 bucks to fly just 20 mins hop from here. 

On top of all this I have to make a major decision on what I will do as far as werk/employment/the ministry next yr.  I need to let my employer know by January.  I’m really wrestiling with what exactly it is that God wants.  He has been strangely silent for at least 3 weeks now.  We are here for the long haul but this matter of vocation is tough.  There are basically 2 major options that I have to consider.  I don’t just want to make a good decision.  I want to make the God decision.  Its weird how all this mess has arisen at once.  Truly God has something in store.

I was reading my little Buddhist book today. Its good.  I actually have agreed with everything in it so far (scary).  I think its written to influence a Western audience. I bought it in Thailand.  Its very good.  the dalai lama gives some wonderful advice to the narrator of the book.  There is so much truth in the world.  I think we can get truth from a lot of places and its beautiful when it all fits together.  I refuse to talk about the Bible or give a defense to the Evangelical position on truth at this point.  I want to leave my readers wondering what is going on in my heart.  If you don’t know me well enough to know my life is pledged to the ‘straight and narrow’ then maybe u need to reconsider.

So life goes on.  I’m pressed but not crushed.  Sometimes I wonder what it would feel like to not be pressed.  Maybe that is just part of living in the “already, not yet”.  Sucks sometimes.  I don’t have any deep insights, answers, or devotional viewpoints to give today.  I simply have a lot of questions, just like the guy brings to the Dalai Lama.  And I don’t think its neccessary to have answers, at least on many things.  The black and white is sometimes strangely unsafe in many situations.  The grey is where most of life is lived out.  The black and white is for the classroom; the grey is the reality.  What are we to do?

Anti-serious blog

Anti-serious Blog

I just spent like half an hr on this super serious blog, but then deleted it.  I’m not in the mood to be so serious, and neither should you be either.   So what funny topic can i talk about?

Fat Chicks

Why does everybody freak out and drop their jaw everytime someone uses the phrase “fat”. . . and then their jaw further drops when you combine it w/ the word chick.  It is as if they never knew fat people existed.  How sheltered does it get. This absurdity reminds me of a conference I attended a few weeks ago (there were lots of fat chicks there by the way)

This is hilarious.  I’m at this really lame conference a few weeks back and this dude who had just downloaded a few points on Postmodernism (thats a cruel statement; he probably has taught college classes on it but he really didn’t know much) was doing a lecture on it.  No offense but he was old and he didn’t know that much.  He stated that some really cool and effective preacher from Ohio was sarcastic when he preached and how young people loved him.  I heard all kinds of sighs of disappointment in the room as if they were all saying in unison, “holy Hell, (they would never say that actualy) I can’t believe someone living in the 21st century is sarcastic. How tragic!”  Where do these people live?  What movies do they rent? To borrow a Bell quote, “when they gonna start smokin’ what they’re sellin’?” I wanted to get up and smack people in their dropped jaw, I’m offended by the phrase ‘fat-chick’, I live in a bubble, head.  How have we become so retarded, so removed, so pathetic?  Who knows?

So what’s the point of the blog.  Fat chicks live.  In some ways they reign. That’s it!  That’s my whole point.  There are fat chicks in the world.  They know they’re fat.  You know they’re fat.  Occassionaly they try to wear sleeveless shirts, and the very daring ones wear the shirts that show their porker bellies.  Fat chicks live, in many ways they reign.  Don’t be like the people at that conference. Get a clue. Laugh a bit. 

Entering into the mercy life. . . I’m not sure I’m ready

Entering into the Mercy Life – I’m not sure I’m ready

Luk 10:24 Many prophets and kings were eager to see what you see and to hear what you hear. But I tell you that they did not see or hear.” Luk 10:25 An expert in the Law of Moses stood up and asked Jesus a question to see what he would say. “Teacher,” he asked, “what must I do to have eternal life?” Luk 10:26 Jesus answered, “What is written in the Scriptures? How do you understand them?” Luk 10:27 The man replied, “The Scriptures say, ‘Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, strength, and mind.’ They also say, ‘Love your neighbors as much as you love yourself.’ ” Luk 10:28 Jesus said, “You have given the right answer. If you do this, you will have eternal life.” Luk 10:29 But the man wanted to show that he knew what he was talking about. So he asked Jesus, “Who are my neighbors?” Luk 10:30 Jesus replied: As a man was going down from Jerusalem to Jericho, robbers attacked him and grabbed everything he had. They beat him up and ran off, leaving him half dead. Luk 10:31 A priest happened to be going down the same road. But when he saw the man, he walked by on the other side. Luk 10:32 Later a temple helper came to the same place. But when he saw the man who had been beaten up, he also went by on the other side. Luk 10:33 A man from Samaria then came traveling along that road. When he saw the man, he felt sorry for him Luk 10:34 and went over to him. He treated his wounds with olive oil and wine and bandaged them. Then he put him on his own donkey and took him to an inn, where he took care of him. Luk 10:35 The next morning he gave the innkeeper two silver coins and said, “Please take care of the man. If you spend more than this on him, I will pay you when I return.” Luk 10:36 Then Jesus asked, “Which one of these three people was a real neighbor to the man who was beaten up by robbers?” Luk 10:37 The teacher answered, “The one who showed pity.” Jesus said, “Go and do the same!”

———————————————————————————-

I was talking to my friend Brian on the phone a couple days ago and we had such a cool conversation. We hadn’t spoken in close to 2 1/2 years.  He talked to me about what it means to enter into what he called “the mercy life”.  What he was describing was so beautiful. We talked for a long time but the basics were that everything we do should be motivated and offered by and through mercy.  Selfless love unleashed is incredibly powerful.  Giving, loving, being, doing, talking, friending (a islander word) – all should be done out of selflessness. 

This life in the Kingdom isn’t complicated.  Living a mercy life simply means we quit being so freaking selfish.  For me it means I quit trying to build my own fortress, my own career, my own whatever and simply start friending people at all costs. I’m sick of the excuses.  The comissioner is God alone.  He sends us out; no one else.  And his instructions earlier in ch. 10 were clear – don’t worry about anything else.  Take only a change of clothes and no money, friend people, and let the peace of God erupt out of you.

I don’t know why this is so hard.  WWJD?  It really is a good question.  It really was and is a good question to ask.  Some people have told me that they simply think that Jesus is so awesome and so unthinkable that they simply can’t know what Jesus would do in certain situations.  While a quick glance at the Gospels shows that Jesus did do unbelievable things, I think we absolutely can do what Jesus would do in certain situations.  He “friended” people. . . he entered into this mercy life that Brian was talking about.  His entire mission was climaxed in sacrifice. Can that be said of my mission? 

 My mission is most often climaxed in results, in numbers, in success stories, in newsletter reports – I’m sick of this crap.  I want to find what it means to live in and dwell in this mercy life. I can’t say that I have what it takes at this point - I know that Jesus will continue push me to do things I don’t want to do.  I’m very aware that the things I’m into, he ain’t. And this desire for the mercy life will be climaxed in sacrifice.  All of it will be consummated in obedience. 

Midlife Crisis (not really midlife but I certainly need some reflection)

Midlife Crisis (not really midlife but certainly need some reflection)

u ever had to make an important decision but really don’t want to? I wish it were all as easy as using toilet paper.  rough, smooth, white, pink, design or no design…..i’m using the paper when my business is done. hands down (ew…..how literal.) I’m good. I should be a philosopher.

What do you do when you’re a missionary but your day is packed full of crap?  I have to tell my boss if I’ll continue teaching school next yr or do something else. I need to make a decision by the first of January.  When people hear about missionaries I think they generally imagine their lives as being ones that engage conversations, in attempt to win people to Christ.  I won’t even answer how many people I’ve had a spiritual conversation with this week.  This blog isn’t at all motivated by guilt.  I have to make a decision and I need to pray.

I’m always full of dreams, vision, etc., but when does it become something real. . . where I really become somebody who does what I really feel Jesus telling me to do?  For about 3 years I have known that my “job” should be hanging out with people all day.  I’m good at it, it’s missions, and it’s what God created me to be/do.  Doesn’t that just sound pathetic.  I guess my fear is that when people ask me what I “do” for a living I would say, “Uh, nothing.”  There’s no real way to explain to anyone that my dream in life is not to pastor, be a preacher, join a missions agency, or do any of the other crap that I’m supposed to somehow fit into.  I’m extremely close to “jumping”.  I’m tired of wasting time. Life is a mist.  What if we start a coffee shop and no one comes?  What if I make the conscious choice to do this and I make no friends……what if, what if what if……dang, can’t you hear the demonic voice behind such words?  (for all of u stooped in reality, I have a pt job lined up. . . i’d teach a couple courses at the college. if we don’t provide for our family, we are worse than an unbeliever – i think thats in 1 Tim). So I have to make a decision.  I’ll let a lot of people down if I choose to do what Jesus has wired me to do.  I defintely will hate ministers meetings (as if I don’t already) or any conversation where the ?, “what do you do?” comes up. I can almost hear my response, “I talked to people all day, how about you? And my church isn’t one, hows yours?”  Do I jump, or will I be a ceo?  hmmm…

Really missing some friends from the PI. Love them lots. Wish I could see them again. (From left) Charity, Tina, Kelly, Pastor Ed, and me.

Doing Emergent Postmodern Theology

Doing Emergent/Postmodern Theology

I have read several books on this topic and again, the key characteristic with postmodernity and its relation to Christianity is that it refuses to let itself be defined. What a wonderful trait to those trying to abandon tradtion, fundamentalism, and the overemphasis of institutionalized religoin. . . yet, what a destruction of the substance of what we believe.  What a wimpy communication of theology lifestyle journey with Christ.  I have yet to read a book on postmodern theology where they actually make claims about what they really believe.  What does postmodern theology even look like?  Is it simply that many postmoderns want things differently in the overall style of Christianity?  Or are there really doctrines and dogmas that need adjustments?  Its somewhat puzzling to me what people are trying to do with all this talk.  Where is it headed?  Where are we going?  What do people really desire out of the movement?  Is there a need for it?  I don’t know. It’s weird. Nobody really wants to make claims about who God is or what we believe.  Its so elusive. 

People these days love options. I don’t want to sound so old school and modern, but what is it that we are moving people toward in this whole system of “emergent”?  I hear things like, “we aren’t calling people to salvation but we are awakening them to the Kingdom of God that is already residing within them.”  That sounds so beautiful. It could be put on a powerpoint image and posted in an Emergent church (a picture of some guy in a suit on Wall Street that looks depressed…..i can almost visualize it) But what does that really mean?  It means that people are all saved; they just don’t know it yet.  Thats dangerous. Its just one example of my frustration with all this talk.  I’m tired of it.  I just want to follow Jesus. . . to be so close to him that I am hit by the gravel he kicks from his feet when he’s walking.

Not sure if this post makes sense.  I am being very careful about all this postmodernity/emergent/we don’t want to be defined cuz we’re cool kind of movement.  I’m cool; there’s no denying it. lol Yet, within all the fluidity I can say: this is what I teach, believe, live. . . and these are the various ways a Jesus community tracks in the dust of their rabbi.  I’m always thinking of how we will tell this generation and the next of the great things of God.  This is what he did. This is what we believe.  If we are so “fluid”, will the next generation be able to say beyond a shadow of a doubt….”this is what mom had in mind.  This is what their God was/is like?”

Dude, I gotta go get some pizza. Happy December. Go get some coffee. Dang, I’m extremely hungry now. bye 

 

I talk about “Steve” and “Eka” all the time to some of you. Steve is the old white guy – he was my spiritual mentor while in the Philippines. (sorry I”m just now posting some of these) He is a true prophet, loves people, and a dear friend.  Eka is the guy to the right of Steve. Eka is incredibly intelligent and from Indonesia.  The other guy, Anthoney is Filipino and took us on a couple ministry trips.